Orcenztein
by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey
Summary: A (AU) story of how the Orcs came to be. Starring Melkor and Sauron. A Halloween fic. Rated K plus for disturbing/violent moments.


**Orcenztien**

 _Once upon a time, an evil genius named Melkor created things of unspeakable horror and let them loose into the world of Elves._ _Not only were the things ugly, but they were brutal and mindless, doing whatever Melkor commanded them to do. Thus, they were the perfect voluntary slave army._

 _This is the story of how these creatures came to be._

* * *

"Maaaaaster!" shouted Sauron, bulleting into Melkor's evil lair and slamming the door. He leaned against it, panting.

"What is it this time, by minion?" said Melkor in a bored voice, removing his safety goggles and switching off the hacksaw.

"We have a grave problem!" said Sauron, clutching his head in his hands.

"As usual," said Melkor airily. "Has there been another strike? Have the balrogs gotten out again? Speak, knave!"

"We've run out of room in the prisons!" Sauron wailed, and collapsed on the floor.

Melkor clicked his tongue. "That is a problem." He frowned and paced the room, his hands clasped behind his back. "I suppose we could kick out the resident spider. That would make a little more room..."

"But, my master, you cannot risk the anger of Ungoliant until you have built up more strength," said Sauron, pulling himself into a sitting position. "Think of the consiquences!"

"I know," said Melkor, lighting up. "We could use your room!"

Sauron's mouth dropped open. "I-I-I'm sure that won't be necessary, my lord!" he said hurriedly. "Perhaps if I crowd them just a little more..."

"What have you done with the extras that don't fit?"

"Right now the Mouth is watching them," said Sauron. "But you know how easily he falls asleep."

"You know," Melkor mused, "I've been wanting to try out this experiment for a long time..."

"What experiment?" Sauron said. He shifted uncomfortably. Usually Melkor's "experiments" didn't turn out so well.

"It's a weapon that's similar to a smoke bomb," said Melkor, holding up a vial of liquid and capering to the door. A mad gleam lit his eyes. Sauron warily followed him.

"See, my young apprentic," said Melkor, replacing his goggles over his eyes and pulling a mask over his mouth, "I have created a device that will heat this liquid up to five thousand degrees above boiling point. Then it will spray it across the armies of Melkor and the Elves, and wipe out only the Elves!"

Sauron was unable to speak, but his face betrayed his horror.

"But," Melkor continued, pulling open another door and nodding to the Mouth, who stood holding two Elves by their ears, "I must test it first."

"Master," Sauron began carefully.

"Mouth, bring me the death-a-pult!"

The Mouth dropped the Elves' ears and they fell to the stone floor, cursing and moaning and holding their various abused body parts.

"It's in the next room," he said, and trotted out.

"Master," Sauron began again, a little more urgently.

"Now is not the time, my main man," said Melkor, waving him away. There was a crash from the next room, followed by a loud "Ooowww!" Seconds later, the Mouth emerged again, massaging his temples and pulling a very large, very sinister machine.

Melkor's eyes widened, and then slitted. "Skulls and crossbones?" he said, his voice rising to a shout. "Mouth, is that your handiwork?"

The Mouth cowered and muttered something about extra paint.

"That is sooo cliche!" yelled Melkor. "I'm going to have to repaint it..."

"Master!" said Sauron. "If you just test this- this thing on the Elves, how are you to know that it doesn't kill everything?"

Melkor turned to him with a bright smile.

"That's easy enough to figure out!" he said cheerily. "I'll test it on you, too!"

Sauron shrieked.

"You're a disposable asset," Melkor went on. "If it doesn't work, I'll still have made amazing scientific advances!"

"I-I-I'm sure the Mouth would be happy to do it instead!" said Sauron loudly. The Mouth gaped.

"I mean, it's not like he does any work around here anyways."

The Mouth gasped.

"I assure your lordship that I am, in fact, very useful!" he yelled.

"That's an idea," said Melkor, tapping his chin. "Yes, the Mouth shall do it. You're a disposable asset, but he's more of a disposable asset."

"Can I ask what your evil plan is this time, Melkor?" said one of the Elves, standing up and flipping his hair back.

"Oh dear," said Melkor, looking down at him and raising his eyebrows. "I forgot those things could communicate."

"My name is Grinniot, and I demand to know your plot!" the Elf went on. He lifted his chin in defiance.

"Grinniot?" said the Mouth. "Is that short for 'Grinning Idiot'?" He snickered.

"Now is not the time for stupid jokes," said Melkor witheringly. "My plan, Grinniot the Loud, is to destroy you and your little fainting friend over there."

The other Elf cowered and whimpered.

"Blundiot is my brother," said the first Elf. "He wasn't meant to be in the battle. He was looking for the umbrella shop and went the wrong way."

"Bludering Idiot." The Mouth snickered again.

"Shut up, Mouth!" said Melkor impatiently. "Your names mean nothing to us, Grinniot and Blundiot. For within three minutes you will be dead, and your ashes shall fertilize my snapdragons!... All right, that sounded better in my head."

"Shall I ready the death-a-pult?" asked Sauron eagerly, tapping on the machine.

"No-no-no-no!" said Melkor, and lunged for the machine. He wrapped his arms protectively around it. "It is special, and can only be opperated by me, or it might explode!"

Sauron hastily backed away.

"All right, Mouth!" said Melkor, aiming the machine in the general direction of the Elves. "Get into position!"

"Just what position, exactly, am I supposed to be in?" asked Mouth.

"In front of the gun, idiot!" Sauron gloated.

The Mouth wailed. "Why does everything happen to me?" But he joined the Elves.

"You cannot destroy us, Melkor!" shouted Grinniot. "We will be avenged! Our ghosts will rise up and haunt you for-"

Melkor fired.

"Oh. My. Valar," said Melkor, slowly removing his safety goggles. Sauron fell on his knees, coughing and choking as the dust and smoke slowly cleared.

There, lying on their backs, lay the three bodies: Grinniot, Blundiot, and the Mouth.

"I can't believe it," said Melkor slowly. "It actually worked! Did you see that Sauron? It WORKED!" He began to dance around his machine. "I did it!"

"But, my master," said Sauron, "it killed the Mouth, too."

"What does it matter?" Melkor laughed maniacally. "As long as it kills, nothing else matters! I will rule all of Arda! MUAHAHAHAHA!"

"Brainz," said a voice. One of the bodies sat up.

"AAAAH!" Melkor and Sauron shrieked, clinging to each other.

"Braaaaiiiinzzz," repeated the body. Now the other two bodies were getting to their feet. Their once fabulous hair hung in lank, dirty strands around their marred faces, and the fair skin was replaced by rotting, grey flesh. In fact, they looked the exact opposite of what they had before.

At least, the Elves did. The Mouth looked more or less the same.

"Brandy," he gasped, lurching forward with his hands outstretched.

"Get it away from me!" yelled Melkor, backing away and holding Sauron in front as a shield.

"Save me, Master!" Sauron screamed.

"Get away from us, you foul creatures of my own creation!" Melkor shouted.

And to everyone's astonishment, the three undead lurched to a halt.

"I don't believe it," said Melkor slowly. "They obey my every command!"

"You've only tried one command so far," said Sauron nervously. He dodged behind the death-a-pult. "Maybe they like their brains fried first. Maybe they've only stopped to fry our brains with microwave beams from their evolved fingertips!"

"Turn around," shouted Melkor hoarsely. The idea of fried brains obviously upset him.

The dead things turned around.

"Clap your hands," Melkor said, more confidently.

Grinniot, the Mouth, and Blundiot clapped their hands.

"Do the chicken dance!" Melkor ordered.

The three dead began flapping their arms around the the most grotesque way you could possibly imagine.

"I... can't believe this. I don't believe this!" Melkor laughed. "Ahaha! They obey my every wish! At last, haha! I have ahaha my own, ehehe Slave... ARMAAAAYYYYY!"

And Melkor's cackle echoed out into the blackness of the night.

 **The End**

* * *

I don't know what possessed me to write this story. I just did it on the spur of the moment... and then I forgot to publish it yesterday. BUT, better late than never, right? _Right?_ :3 I hope you guys enjoyed it! HAPPY HALLOWEEN! (a day late...)

To those who know me, I know I haven't written in forever, and I'm quite sorry! D: Summer has been so busy. But my summer job is over, so this month I should have lots of updates. And I have HUGE plans for December, so stay tuned! :D

Please leave me a review and tell me what you think, and I'd also love to know what you dressed up as (if anything) this year! :)


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